Every Rose has its Thorn
by sprwholock44
Summary: Mentalist AU California "relationship psychic" Patrick Jane tries to charm CBI agent Teresa Lisbon while coaching Agent Rigsby on how to win the heart of Grace Van Pelt. Roughly based on the movie "Hitch". Jisbon and Rigsby/Van Pelt. No smut or slash.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This isn't really a crossover but I took a lot of general ideas from the movie Hitch. I just love that movie and I thought that the characters were pretty similar. Sorry if the characters are a bit OC that's mostly because we are working under the assumption that Patrick is very similar to the guy in Season 4 Episode 10. He still experienced tragedy so he isn't a complete douche but not enough to completely be the Patrick we know and love. He still is capable of being that guy, but he isn't the nicest guy in this story. Please take that into consideration as you read!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Mentalist or Hitch. If I did, then Jisbon would have happened a long time ago.

Guys think women are these complex beings who are impossible to figure out. Well, in a way that's true, but with every woman there are a few things that even your average joe could figure out. All women have that desire to be swept off their feet. Sure, they may tell you 'I'm too busy for a relationship,' or 'this isn't a good time,' or 'I just need some space'. Well, it doesn't take a psychic to know that even she doesn't believe that. She is pretty much rejecting you in the nicest way possible. Unfortunately, most guys don't have a clue what a woman really means.

That's where I come in. My name is Patrick Jane and I'm what most people call psychic. I know, I know a psychic? Really? Can I let you in on a little secret? There is no such thing as psychics! Just don't tell my clients. I guess I specialize in the 'relationship' side. People pay me to connect them with their past, present, and future soul mate. I can help 'communicate' with their lost loved ones, help them connect with ones they love but aren't loved back, and I can tell them who the love of their lives will be.

Yeah, I know how this all sounds. I'm just a glorified conman, right? Well, you may not be all wrong. I've been conning people all my life. I've just not always specialized in 'love'. It all started back in my carny days. I met this beautiful girl named Angela, and let's say, I fell hard. It was going pretty well until I found her making out with some older guy, John I think his name was. I got my own kind of revenge in the end. Anyways, no big deal. I got over it… In fact I used it to create the best psychic relationship service ever, and I'm not just saying that because it's the only one ever… yeah…

Anyways, business was great! I was working with a few clients and everything was going perfect. Unfortunately, I didn't know that in a few short weeks everything would change.

"What is he saying now?"

I took a fake deep breath and closed my eyes. Helping people talk to dead loved ones wasn't as much fun as living ones, but honestly it paid more. I love a good challenge and psychic reading was starting to get boring. Sure, it used to be fun, but seeing women with puffy eyes and fancy jewelry just wasn't… exciting.

"Your husband, Richard-"

"Rich." I resisted the urge to raise my eyebrows. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that even though Rich was a cheating scoundrel and an alcoholic; his wife deserved the chance to feel peace about the passing of her awful husband.

How did I know about the cheating and the drinking? I hadn't even needed to research Rich to figure out that much. His wife, Amanda, had brought me a few of his things. His wedding ring, his favorite watch, and a picture were all I needed to see to know everything I would ever want about Richard.

His watch was very fancy and well-kept aside from the scratches on the dial. I automatically knew that he was an alcoholic because every time he went to wind his watch, his hands would be shaking, which caused the scratches. His ring also told a nasty story. Unlike his immaculate watch, Rich's wedding ring was plain and unpolished. The inside of the ring was just as dirty, which meant that whoever he was cheating with knew he was married. Despicable. It didn't take much to figure out who it was with. A few minutes into the reading, Amanda's phone rang and I caught the caller ID saying it was Amanda's sister. Because Amanda resolutely ignored the phone, I knew I'd found the guilty party. Poor Amanda. But back to the performance- I mean… reading.

"Rich wants you to know he is sorry." I peek a bit at Amanda to see her response. Her slightly disbelieving face is all I need to know in order to turn it up a notch. I take a shaky breath.

"He is saying that he always loved you and not your sister…"

"Caroline," she supplied bitterly.

"He knows that he made a lot of mistakes and has many regrets. He wishes that he hadn't been so hard on you and put you through his problems with alcohol. However, he says he doesn't regret a single drop of red wine shared with you." Amanda chuckled wetly and I knew that she was crying, maybe for the first time since her husband's passing. I could tell that she was a strong woman and the fact that she was crying meant that I was going to get a big check at the end of all this.

Fifteen minutes later, I was putting away one of my fattest payments in a while. No matter how annoying the rich could be, they sure did pay well to get what they wanted. I heard my phone ringing. Speaking of the rich, apparently I had a new client. Seeing as my client was too young to have a dead loved one and had enough ex-wives to put the average man out of business, I hoped that this would be an interesting case.

(Lisbon's POV)

I sighed as I entered the elevator. Technically, I should be still on vacation but after two days alone in my apartment with microwave meals and reality tv shows, I realized that I was too restless to sit around. Vacations were for people who had less important jobs than I had. I felt awful trying to relax when there were killers out there to catch.

Eager to get back to work, I strode into the major crimes unit floor where I worked. Rigsby and Cho were sitting at their desks waiting for a case. As the new agent, Van Pelt, walked in with coffee, Rigsby cleared his throat a bit and shifted in his seat. Ugh, how annoying. This is why I'm against all this idealistic romance crap. Nobody in my team had noticed me yet, so I was able to watch how they acted without me.

"Ahem, h-hey, Grace. Is that coffee?" I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Rigsby was a very good agent but hopeless when it came to women. If I were Grace, I would have snapped out something, but she smiled sweetly as usual.

"Yeah, it is. Would you like some?"

"Sure," he then reached out to grab one from her hands. However, the coffee slipped from his fingers and spewed all over Rigsby. It splashed perfectly into his lap so that it looked like an unfortunate accident had occurred. Swearing loudly, he stood up quickly to get the burning hot coffee out of uncomfortable places.

"Ugh! You have got to be kidding me!" Cho had turned toward the window in an attempt to hide his smile. Grace was also trying her best not to laugh, but her shaking shoulders betrayed her. Personally, I couldn't take it anymore, so I busted out laughing. The whole team turned toward me. Rigsby and Van Pelt looked a little surprised, but Cho just blinked at me and turned back to his desk.

"Hey, boss. I thought you were on vacation," he stated as if he was commenting on the weather.

"Yeah, well vacation wasn't as interesting as catching bad guys." Cho nodded in understanding.

I wasn't surprised when our supervisor, Virgil Minelli, came out of his office. I'm sure that he heard the racket that Rigsby was causing with his coffee mishap.

"Oh good, you're here Lisbon. Not that I'm surprised, you actually had a longer vacation than I was expecting."

"Ha ha," I said sarcastically.

"We have a new case. A young married couple with throats slit. I want you and your team to go to the scene and see what you can find. I think the wife had a sister in Napa County so go talk to her and her family." I nodded my head. It felt good to be back in business.

"Yes, sir."

I took the file he handed me and looked at our victims before the murders. One was a sweet looking brunette and an average looking guy. I was a little surprised they were married to be honest. The girl looked way out of his league. It may be a good idea to find out how this unlikely couple met. But who knows, they do say love is blind.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

(Jane's POV)

Messing with people's love lives can get sort of… messy. I try my best to be discreet with all my clients. To the public, I'm just another run of the mill psychics, but to the people who need me, I'm their chance at true love. It would make sense that to keep my business on the down-low, I would have to avoid the police sometimes. I always avoid making a cop a client of mine, but as I looked at the file in front of me, I decided to make an exception.

Wayne Rigsby of the CBI really needed my help. He certainly wasn't the least attractive guy I've ever worked with. However, with a goofy grin on his face and awkwardly posed in an attempt to look cool told me that this guy seriously needed me. I decided that I should observe him a bit before meeting him. I thought I had everything I needed to know about Rigsby, but it didn't hurt to have more to work with.

I decided to come a little early to our meeting in the park close to his work. It wasn't hard to see who it was that I was looking for. Rigsby's file said that he was 6'3'', so it was easy to pick him out of the crowd. He had just pulled out a large hot dog and covered it in mustard. Taking a huge bite, he got a lot of it on his face and began chewing with his mouth open. I sighed and shook my head. This was going to take a lot of work.

Finally walking up to Rigsby, I pointed at his mustard saturated hot dog and said,

"Is this the lucky lady because if so, you certainly don't need my help." Rigsby looked confused for a moment, then realized who I was. He then straightened his jacket self-consciously not noticing the mustard still smeared on his fingers. I winced at the yellow stains now on the edge of his suit. He then stuck out his hand and said

"Wayne Rigsby. Thank you so much for coming," I pulled out my handkerchief from my suit pocket to put in my hand while I shook his hand.

"Patrick Jane. Now who is the love of your life that you need to connect with." Rigsby looked down at this nervously.

"Well, it's complicated. You deal with complications right? I'd understand if you couldn't help me…" he said quickly. I decided that this guy needs to relax a bit. I put a hand on his shoulder and look into his eyes as if I'm about to hypnotize him.

"Hey, let me decide if I can help you or not." Rigsby visibly relaxed and I knew that my job was going to be easier from here on.

"How about you tell me about this complicated woman?"

"hmm… well, we work together. She just joined the team a few weeks ago."

"Does she know you're interested in her?"

"I don't think so. It's against regulations for people in the same unit to date, but I figure that it's worth a shot to try,"

This was sounding more and more exciting. A secret romance meant inventive dates in discreet places, secrecy, and finesse. Unfortunately, Rigsby didn't have a smooth bone in his body. This was going to be a fascinating case.

"Oh. This should be interesting." I stated simply. Thinking that I was reconsidering helping him, Rigsby stood up abruptly.

"You know what? You're right. This is hopeless. What was I thinking? Grace would never put her job in jeopardy for me." He was starting to walk away when I stopped him.

"Wait, Rigsby. I know what it's like to see someone you love be with someone else. Even if she isn't with you, you still want her to be happy. Even though watching her see right through you is painful, you are still crazy about her. This special kind of insanity is good." I said in an attempt to reassure him.

"Really? Wait does this mean you're going to help me?"

"Wayne Rigsby, are you ready to be with the woman of your dreams?"

(Rigsby's POV)

The next day, I walked into work full of trepidation. I had been so nervous that I had only been able to swallow a few gulps of coffee instead of my usual jelly doughnut. Thankfully I was able to avoid spilling on myself, at least, so far.

With the rudimentary instructions that Jane had given me, I felt a little bit better about facing Grace today. The plan wasn't exactly concrete, but at least there was a plan. I had tackled murderers and run down gangsters. I could do this.

I strode toward my desk in an attempt to cover my nervousness. Looking up from her computer, Grace smiled a bit and said,

"Morning." I gulped a bit.

"Good morning." Phew! That was close! The rest of the morning went pretty well, but I knew it was close to show time when Lisbon walked out of her office with a determined look on her face.

"Alright, people. We have a case." Turning to the board, Lisbon pointed at the two faces pinned there. One was a very pretty young woman and the other was a, to put it nicely, average looking man.

"Here we have Mr. Thomas Brady and Mrs. Alexa Brady nee Beckett. They were found late last night in their homes. Apparently, a neighbor heard a scream and called it in. When the authorities got there, they found them like this." She passed out a picture of two bodies very bloodied up. It was grisly, even for us.

"Because Mrs. Brady was a prominent senator's daughter, we got called in on this." Lisbon turned to me and Cho.

"I need you two to go canvas the crime scene, look for some witnesses. I'm going to go talk to Mrs. Brady's sister." Grace timidly spoke up.

"What about me, boss?"

"I need you to stay here and answer the phones. Maybe we'll get a call from the local PD." Grace sighed resignedly. Because she was still new, she usually got landed with these sorts of jobs. This was my cue. Before I did anything, I remembered what Jane had said to me.

_You need to get her attention. Get her interested with a bang!_

Alright, no matter what happened, I figured that at the very least, this would be a bang.

"I think Van Pelt should come with us to the crime scene. She could help a lot," I stated boldly. Lisbon's eyebrows shot up.

"Is that right?" At this point all eyes were on me. I took a deep breath.

"Yes. Even though Van Pelt isn't the most experienced, I think she has a lot to offer. I think you should stop putting her in the sidelines. I know you don't think she is the most reliable, but how is she supposed to gain our trust if she isn't even given a chance!?" As my rant went on, I realized that I had been getting louder and louder.

"Um. Well, Rigsby are you feeling alright? Do you need the day off?" Lisbon asked seriously but with a twinge of concern.

"You know what, you're right. Unless Van Pelt can come with us, I'm done here." With my remaining courage, I stormed out of the office. As I left, I could barely hear Cho say,

"What just happened?"

I was trying my best not to hyperventilate as I darted to the interrogation room. So no one could see me talking with Jane, we had planned on me being able to see in to Jane. He had been leaning back in the interrogation chair casually but when I had walked by, he had sat up straight.

"Calm down, Rigsby. Take a deep breath." As Jane's soothing voice came over the speakers, I forced myself to do what he had said.

"Now, how did it go?"

As I remembered what I had just done, I started to panic again.

"It certainly was a bang."

Just as Jane was about to respond, the door to the interrogation room opened. Jane was forced to duck down under the table so someone looking in couldn't see him. Fortunately or unfortunately, that someone was Grace.

"Hey, Wayne," she said cautiously.

"I can't believe you just stood up to the boss like that. It was pretty stupid…" Oh no. She hadn't liked what I'd done.

"but it was also very brave. No guy has ever stood up for me like that. Thank you." At this point, I was speechless. Luckily Grace didn't seem to notice that. She was about to walk out, when at the last minute she turned back.

"Oh, I was wondering something." I nodded my head a bit.

"I volunteer at the homeless shelter on Saturdays. Would you like to maybe come with? We could go grab something to eat afterwards." I was struggling with an answer so I looked over to where Jane was. He had poked his head up and was nodding it while mouthing _YES!_ Grace saw me glancing and moments before she saw Jane, luckily he ducked back down again.

"Err… Yeah. Sure thing." Grace smiled stunningly at me and said,

"Great! I'll see you then." I couldn't bring myself to breathe again until I heard the door swish behind her. I couldn't believe it! I had a date with Grace Van Pelt.


End file.
